the world doesn't need another cynic

since i read and keep up with celebrity gossip, i kinda keep track of when couples break up, make up, get together, or as is more common lately, cheat. technology has made it *so* much easier to cheat, what with texting, the internet, even facebook, people have all kinds of ways to covertly converse, find people from their past, and get away with a lot more. unfortunately, technology doesn't make people smarter or more loyal.

i used to think that people who cheated were lacking in moral character, horrible people, unethical, and heartless. unfortunately, i've come to the conclusion that that's not always the case.

granted, i don't know any celebrities, but i do know lots, yes *lots*, of people who have cheated on their significant others. it seems that at some point in their lives, almost everyone has been unfaithful.

for the most part, these people are kind, smart, thoughtful, and not-so-bad. do they cheat because they're unhappy in their relationships, or they want out, or they're dissatisfied with the status quo? if that's the case, GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP!

i don't understand people who maintain a relationship in which they're clearly unhappy, yet they stay regardless. are they cheating in the hopes that their partner finds out and leaves first, saving the cheater from having to do the dirty work? are they afraid of confrontation? do they want to get a little action on the side? do they enjoy the thrill? are they too weak to stand up for what they want?

now, i'm not judging, just pondering this obscenely common phenomenon. i've been on both sides of this fence, and both sides suck. the grass is never greener, either. when i did cheat on someone, i was young and stupid, and as bad as this sounds, i did it to see what it was like. ah, capricious youth.

i have absolutely no excuse for being the other woman, a situation that has happened more times than i care to remember. i'm not immoral, stupid, or heartless, so why the hell did i do it? in one instance, the guy was an ex-boyfriend, and the fact that he was married didn't stop us from starting a relationship...and effectively ending his marriage. that is huge, i mean *huge*, and utterly stupid.

after his divorce, and our eventual break up, he jokingly referred to me as his "crowbar" because he would start things up with me again in order to get out of whatever unsatisfying relationship he was in.

wow, don't i feel special?
and incredibly stupid after realizing that he was using me for years.

as far as the other instances, there is nothing i can say to justify it, and yes, hindsight is 20/20. pick an excuse, any excuse: i was fool enough to believe lies that were told to me, i didn't respect the sanctity of the guy's marriage, i was just fucking selfish: i wanted what i wanted, regardless of the consequences. i think that not having good physical boundaries is another culprit. i let people get close to me physically when it wasn't appropriate because i didn't have the courage to respect *myself*.

i do believe in marriage, and i've been cheated on relentlessly. i *know* how incredibly difficult and hurtful it is. it's a behavior that i thought i would never tolerate, one that would immediately end my relationship with another. yet i stayed...for over six years. that will not happen again.

i never thought i'd be the one to aid the betrayer. looking back, i'm not sure why i chose to reverse that situation and be the vampire.

maybe i was tired of being the victim.