ADD?

so, i've been thinking all day about what i want to write about, and i cannot keep one train of thought for more than two minutes, which has led me to wonder if i have adult onset ADD (attention deficit disorder), which led me to look at the symptoms, and further my distractions.

my findings were a little disturbing. you need to have at least 15 of the symptoms to be diagnosed, and i have a fair share. i would've counted them, but i didn't have the patience to do so (not a good sign).

while i'm looking up the disorder, i'm also writing this blog, when in actuality i sat down at my desk to grade papers, and within the next 10 minutes, i'll get up again to do *something*, *anything* to keep me from sitting in one place and only working on one project.

here are a few streams of thought from today:

- wow, obviously almost a new moon because people are acting like assholes.
- people are driving like maniacs.
- why didn't i get any mail today? did the mailman even come; because i didn't see his truck?
- grayson is going to be bigger than phoenix soon. that's going to be a problem.
- i wish i hadn't cut my bangs over the summer because they're driving me crazy now.
- do i really like the christmas cards i'm making? are they too boring?
- do i feel like i have a sinus headache because of my allergies, or because of my meds?
- why does the big walmart carry edamame, but the grocery store version doesn't? and why the hell am i shopping at walmart now?
- i need to stop procrastinating my reading for school.
- i'm never going to find anyone to spend my life with because i'm a handful: tattoos, phd, independent. i'm screwed.
- why does the ten club keep posting tempting things and then sell out in 5 minutes?
- there is a *lot* of sex in "true blood". sex would be nice.
- i'm craving salt.

granted, none of these are supremely interesting internal conversations, but each of these ran through my head, usually more than one at the same time. i've also been doing almost anything i can think of to avoid studying/reading for my exams.

- i've almost finished my christmas shopping; unheard of!
- i've got my christmas card list done.
- i'm *making* christmas cards.
- i already have my dad's birthday present ready.
- i took pictures on my laptop with my kids.
- i've been organizing my itunes.
- i cleaned my entire apartment last friday, instead of reading.

in addition to all this craziness, i also can't listen to any cd in its entirety; my ipod is constantly on shuffle. i haven't watched a movie at home in months because i can't sit through the whole thing, and i constantly have at least 3 things going on at once. even when i'm in the middle of doing something, i'm thinking of something else i could be doing, too.

so i make lists. there are about five lists on my desk, not to mention my phone, my planner, and the refrigerator door.

when i'm not writing lists, this is what my life looks like: i'm writing this blog, grading, and wondering if hulu has the next episodes of "true blood" that i want to watch. hulu only has clips, so i have to do a search to find free episodes to watch online because i can't wait 4 days to get the next dvd from netflix. oh, and my itunes is playing a song from "romeo and juliet", i wonder if i should watch titanic. no, not the same movie, but i went from leonardo dicaprio in r&j to him in titanic. i don't think i could sit still that long. plus, i'd have to get the dvds out, and set up the tv to watch it. and about my itunes, are there any new cds i want to download? i really want the new fistful of mercy, but i put the vinyl edition on my amazon wishlist, and i'm not sure if i'm going to get it. but if i have the vinyl, i can only listen to it at home, but i *do* have the software to convert an album to a cd. i'd have to find that software, install it, hook up my laptop to the stereo; what a pain. and why don't i watch that much tv anymore? i love tv, but it just isn't interesting to me. i can't think of anything else that is, other than reading magazines because i only have to focus for 5 minutes at a time, tops.

this could keep going for days, people. this is why i have to have the tv on when i go to bed: to drown out the f-ing voices in my head that won't let me get a moment's peace without making a list, thinking of a project, checking a book to see if my astrological sign matches someone i just met, looking at my planner to make sure i wrote down everything i need to do tomorrow.

needless to say, this is exhausting.