easier to lie

probably not as well-known as some of the other titles i've used, but a great song by aqualung.

okay, i know that celebrities can't be honest about alllll the things they do to make themselves beautiful, but i'm not sure why they so blatantly lie when the changes are clearly obvious. is it because we're supposed to believe that they were all born that gorgeous, put together, and perfect, and that we, as mere mortals, can't even compete because we'll never be of that stature?

is it because they're mostly actors and paid to 'lie' in a sense; or are they delusional and think no one will notice that they have a new face? whatever the case may be, all you have to do is look at the pictures magazines find of these people in high school, or star magazine, where they're sans make up, to know that no one looks that fantastic naturally, or when they roll out of bed.

well, very few people. also, if i had hair and make up people, a stylist, a trainer, a chef, and spent three hours getting ready, i'd look pretty freaking good, too.

the last few weeks, my wrath has been directed at kim kardashian. yes, i watch all her stupid shows. why? no idea. but she keeps claiming that she's "super honest" about whether she's had plastic surgery, and that she hasn't had any work done. her proof is that she had botox injections on the show, so she's willing to admit what she's changed about her appearance.

OMG, don't get me started. first of all, all you have to do is look at pictures of her over the years to know that she's had at least two nose jobs.

this person
<---- does not look like this person ---->















granted, she's wearing make up in the picture on the right, but still, come *on*! and i'm not the only one who posits this theory. i found this online:



gotta love the internet.

















and as far as the boobs are concerned, which she claimed on CNN the other night are "100% real."

whatever...













the latest adjustment is her lips, which were already significantly full are now even bigger. her excuse? she had the flu. um, what? yes, that is her excuse: she had the flu and it made her lips puffier. first of all, this doesn't even make any sense.

last i checked, your lips don't swell up when you're throwing up for days, have a fever, and don't eat. second, that was like a month ago, and they're still ginormous!! that must be some killer flu that's hanging on for years. despite the fact that she has been trooping all over the country, promoting her new show, in full make up and trampily dressed (as usual), she hasn't so much as sneezed.

one last point. as any woman can tell you, when you lose weight, the first place it goes is usually in your boobs and your butt; most often the places you don't really want to lose it. now kim has lost like 15 lbs. in the last year or so, and her boobs and ass are still *huge*.

she gets thinner and her boobs and butt are the same size? not possible. i'm not even going to address the rumors that she had butt implants because if she did, she's even dumber than i already think.

claiming that big asses are an "armenian thing" doesn't work, either. she's only half armenian, as are her two sisters, and neither one of them is built like her. yes, genes are strange and selective, but both her sisters had small breasts, and the one who doesn't any more admits she had implants. the other one, who is somewhat heavy, doesn't have that shelf ass that kim does. and how anyone finds that attractive, i have no idea.

really, i could set my drink on that.


and don't even get me started on the hair extensions. grow your own damn hair!!!

changes

yes, a song title once again...

this may sound stupid, but i think i'm addicted to tv. i looooooove watching tv. it's in my genes. my parents watch a *lot* of tv; my dad not so much as when i was a kid, but still, i've had a set in my room since i was nine years old. i can't even fall asleep without it on because it drowns out all the shit in my head.

i watch entirely too much tv, it's too quiet when it's off, my apartment lacks animation and life that phoenix and grayson can't replace, and i absolutely can't miss an episode of any show that i watch, so i DVR everything.

i don't understand why i get so attached to fictional characters. granted, i realize that i'm not the only one who does this, but i was thinking about it last night. there are several tv shows that were i used to watch and were canceled or ended, and i was really disappointed every time.

maybe it's the consistency and schedule of knowing that i have something that i'm guaranteed to like, and will never let me down...unless there's a state of the union speech, or it's gonna snow, or some moron sent a bomb to a building downtown...*then* it gets interrupted, but the networks have finally realized that they need to plan for things like presidential events in advance. and they *do* show severe weather updates during commercials now, not during the show...

in the grand scheme of things, who cares about fictitious people and plots? they're not real, i'm not losing a friend, it's just a story made up by someone who's being paid to make up stories. although, every time i watch 'titanic', i'm like, "why does he have to DIE?!?" sad. just sad.

anyway, i've been trying to maintain some semblance of a schedule since the fall. because i'm done with coursework, and only have independent study classes, i was afraid that i wouldn't do anything; that my depression would suck me back in, and i'd spend six months on the couch, watching (what else?) the freaking tv.

actually, i've had a lot of things going on, and i feel very fulfilled and busy in my life. and my life is getting in the way of school. i went to a seminar/class on productive writing today, in preparation for starting my dissertation in a few months.

that is probably the most daunting thing i've written today. holy hell.

*deep breaths*

although i'm only reading and taking notes, collecting research here and there, i'm not writing yet, but the class was really helpful. i also found out that all the techniques i use to procrastinate (doing dishes, laundry, organizing, multitasking) are very common, so i don't feel like a complete slacker. and hey, my apartment is always clean. not that it was ever dirty before, but moving on...

i'm going to set up some new guidelines and structures around watching tv, reading, taking notes, and running errands. school is my primary job, and i need to treat it as such. if i don't feel good, and need to take the day off, then i better make up for it on the weekend or in the evening.

when i had classes with real life professors, i studied ALL the time. i busted my ass for school, and i need to get back to that. well, not completely, because i did nothing but study and work, but i need a focused mindset.

so bye bye shows that i really don't care about. bye bye to finding new shows just so i never run out of things to watch. bye bye stupid gossip "news" and repetitive celebrity crap. bye bye to washing clothes, cleaning cabinets, touching up the paint on my walls, and sweeping all at the same time.

qualifying exam preparation, i surrender to you. i am now at your mercy for the next ten weeks. omg, that is not *nearly* enough time...

the goodness in the world

yes, i'll admit it, i have the tv viewing habits of a 14 year old girl, as well as the listening preferences (sometimes) of that same girl...and at times, i eat like a teenage boy whose parents have gone out for the evening.

in this vein, i posted a link to the new taylor swift album on facebook. yes, the *album*. fine, i already have the cd, but i wanted bright, shiny, black, teenage-worthy vinyl. today, as i'm watching celebrity rehab (this post is painting me in an increasingly disturbing light), someone knocked on the door.

to be fair, i've been having serious back issues recently, and after two chiropractic visits this week, and staying up late to watch dexter every night for the last week, i decided to take it easy this afternoon.

back to the knock...

it was a UPS guy with a package (remove your mind from the gutter) that could only *be* an album, and it was from tennessee, not seattle, and therefore not pearl jam. hmmm...so i opened it. the taylor swift album that i told the world of FB that i wanted!!!!

there was no name on anywhere, only an email and a phone number that i don't recognize...an email address with the incriminating initials "pj", prefaced by a shortened version of "love to rock to".

i posted a few things on FB, trying to find the person, used my detective skills, and asked someone else in the pj community. he finally (quietly) came forward.

thank you so much, dan, for one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me.

merry christmas.

can we please return to our regularly scheduled celebrity gossip?

"hi, my name is april and i love celebrity gossip."

yes, i'm working on my phd, and yes, i know that gossip is bad, usually untrue, but...it's sort of addictive. i'm usually pretty selective about what i read because i don't have a lot of time to read for pleasure. i know that what a person reads is usually indicative of who she is and what she likes, but...please don't judge. i'll explain.

everyone needs an outlet and a guilty pleasure. i don't drink, i don't do drugs, i don't gamble, i haven't had a boyfriend in __ years. so my guilty pleasure, or drug of choice, if you will is celebrity gossip. and i assure you, it is a drug. it's addictive, bad for you, and not something you discuss in mixed company.

i am forced, fine it's my choice, to read pages and pages of incomprehensible theory until my brain aches. it's essentially my job for the next thirty years.

mind you, i'm still selective about what i read/watch. i refuse to even look at the enquirer (because it's not a legitimate news source?). also, you could never convince me that bigfoot won the lottery after eating brad pitt's love child, and escaped via spaceship.

i do love us weekly; the stories are about actual people and have (semi)plausible stories. lindsey lohan having a meltdown and throwing her glass at her ex-girlfriend? that's something i could be convinced actually happened. i'm all over it.

oh yeah, i also watch e! news because my tv is on e! about 80% of the time. it makes for innocuous background noise that i can ignore and read through...and i'm also addicted to some pretty crappy reality *shows*, but that just feeds my celebrity addiction.

now, there's a trend in celebrity gossip mags lately that is annoying the hell out of me. while i do watch reality shows, i watch reality shows about *celebrities*, not random ass people who are famous for being genetic, or fertile, freaks. i know that celebrities are playing to the cameras, but these shows feed my need to know the dirt about hollywood.



so, this trend of having all these pseudo-celebrities on the cover/main story is stupid. that's it, just stupid. for one thing, putting the girls of '16 and pregnant' on a magazine isn't exactly a great message to send teenagers. "look, if i get pregnant in high school, i can be famous!" fantastic.

or if i get 15 fertilized eggs implanted in my uterus, i can get sponsorship from huggies and start a jewelry line. it's about that ridiculous.

i just want to read semi-trashy stories about people who are legitimately famous..."jennifer aniston and brad pitt were at the same benefit; oh no!" "christina aguilera's marriage is over because she's bisexual!" see, real cutting edge stuff. ist that too much to ask? you're not gonna get that on the 10:00 news.