sleep to dream

ah, the lovely fiona...

i've been thinking all day about what to write, but i really don't have anything. i had a migraine for about 46 hours, and after resorting to horse tranquilizers, finally fell asleep at about 4am. i was groggy and tired the rest of the day, made myself go work out, but fell asleep for about an hour in the chair after getting some work done for my new job.

unfortunately, this is probably the most boring entry ever, but at least i'm writing something.

i really do love the lyrics to this song, one that will always remind me of an ex who, when we first started dating, was irresponsible, a dreamer, impractical. i, on the other hand, tried to be the exact opposite. i've never really considered myself one to have "dreams". i have goals, of course, but not lofty, impossible expectations that i assume will come to fruition with little to no effort. i also don't think that i'm special, and will be granted things by the sheer grace of the gods nor that i'm entitled.

granted, i've accomplished things with minimal effort, but that's due to my inherent predisposition, and the incredible genetic gene pool in which i was lucky enough to bob along in for nine months.

i think i've been incredibly fortunate and that someone is looking after me, and helping me along, giving me priceless gifts and memories that can in no way be attributed to anything or anyone else. i don't think this person is "God" or a god; i think it is someone i loved very much, more than any person i've ever known, who was taken entirely too soon.

people have attempted to besmirch his memory and malign his image in my eyes, but i will never believe that he was anything less than a wonderful, charming, funny man who loved me unconditionally. this man will forever be the most important, special person in my life and one of two people that i've always felt loved me for who i was, regardless of what i did.

wow, what a digression and tangential path away from the original topic. i really am tired; regardless, i miss that feeling, and him...