ill communication

so many of our interactions and relationships are dictated by communication. if you're completely lacking in the ability to express how you feel, you're bound to have problems in your interpersonal relationships.

it seems like a lot of people, at least in my experience, don't know how to say what they feel, or else are too scared of the repercussions, so they don't say anything at all, or wait until it's too late.

telling someone how you feel runs the risk of contempt, anger, ridicule, or worse: dead, empty silence.

i think i'm pretty good at telling people how i feel, thank you years of therapy, and i'm not afraid to tell someone that i like him, love her, think he's amazing. this doesn't just apply to romantic situations, but to my friends and family as well. does anyone ever get tired of hearing how much she matters, and how much someone loves him? i don't think so.

i also think that my lack of fear in this particular arena scares people. i don't expect what i say to be reciprocated; this isn't something i do in order to have the favor returned. life is short, and people seem so ready to complain (i know i do), bitch about their boy/girlfriends, family, why not be just as eager to say something nice, not only about that person, but *to* him as well?

another thing about communication: if you and another person are unable to talk to each other, if it almost seems like you're speaking different languages, it can be the death of whatever you have. i've been in these conversations...where i looked at the other person (almost always a guy, sorry) and wondered if he was even speaking english, our signals were so crossed. i couldn't even begin to wrap my brain around what the hell was coming out of his mouth.

i've also gotten so flustered and upset that i can't decipher what we're talking about. i realized a few years ago that when i get really emotional, especially during a "conversation" (fine, argument), my memory of the discussion almost completely disappears. i literally cannot tell you what i said two minutes ago, or what the other person said. my emotions overtake everything else.

so what do you do when you've known someone for a considerable length of time, and you realize that maybe a major problem all along, one of the main problems, is that person #1 hasn't been listening/didn't understand what person #2 was saying, leading person #2 to live in a constant state of frustration and snap at the smallest snub, leaving person #1 angry and feeling attacked a lot of the time?

at the beginning, in the middle, and at the end of this, both people have been unable to cross that divide, and unable to cut ties, either. see, *this* is why i hardly ever blog on fridays.

life is entirely too complicated...