i know that i've struggled this holiday season for a variety of reasons, but i've noticed that a lot of people in my life have been having a hard time. there have been deaths, break ups, accidents, anxiety about money, family issues; you name it, someone has been going through it lately.
i've also noticed that with the exception of one person, no one has new year's eve plans, at least none of my friends in dallas. and no one seems concerned about it, or even in the mood to celebrate.
have all the shitty experiences of the past few months come to represent this year, this decade? i keep seeing postings on facebook that say, "i'm soooo ready for this year to be over." maybe people aren't really celebrating because it's one more chance for an accident, or because they would like 2010 to go away quietly and without celebration.
i feel like i've changed so much this year. change is uncomfortable, difficult, and scary. i've never really been afraid of change because it's what i've known for as long as i can remember. consistency, monotony...those things are unsettling for me. i have felt extremely uncomfortable this year, or at the very least concerned that i was failing at what i set out to do. i'm more afraid of failing than of changing.
i can't say that i had a great year, and i can't believe it's the end of another decade, my fifth decade on the planet. i have no idea whether next year will be better, but i have to hope.
without hope, there is nothing.
April,
ReplyDeleteBelief and Faith is all we have to move forward! I do hope you possess those two qualities to move you through this difficult time!
Have a Blessed Happy New Year!
I'm going out to dinner this evening, and maybe to a party. The party is a big maybe, mostly for my feeling lazy. I want to ring in the new year feeling very relaxed. Last year at midnight I was annoyed with my life. This year I don't want a repeat of that.
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