motivated

i've been working on school stuff all day. i've done a ton of reading notes, read some, and feel really productive after three days of not being able to do anything other than go to the chiropractor, sleep in a chair, drowsily watch tv, and take a bath.

i've started stressing about my qualifying exams in the past few weeks, and i'm trying *really* hard not to worry. i really don't want to start a countdown of how many months, days, weeks, hours until i have to take them. i'm trying to focus on what i need to do now - prepare - and practice mindfulness and living in the present moment.

another struggle that i'm having today (and can't rid myself of) seems to be the fact that i'm aggravated and annoyed with almost *everyone* i've had to deal with. i don't know what's up, but i'm really tired of trying to be a good friend, trying to do what's best, and having it thrown back in my face. why ask for my help if you're going to turn around and do the exact opposite, knowing that it's the *worst* f-ing thing you could possibly do?!?

i don't understand how, or why, people will put up with such misery in order to avoid being alone. if you're by yourself, at least you know you only have to deal with one crazy, screwed up person...and you never have to share the remote.

and i have a sneaking suspicion, although i could be paranoid, that someone is spying on me again...FML.