so, i really hate being called a bitch, but i always use song titles for my posts, and that was the first thing that came to mind... anyway, i haven't written in about a year and a half. i'm not sure why i stopped, probably because i get bored easily, and when i do, i get lazy and apathetic. also, the last year and a half has pretty much been hell on earth. i'm also not very good at doing things on a consistent basis, except bathing, brushing my teeth, making my bed, paying bills, etc...ya know, things i have to do because i'm *slightly* OCD, and i'm starting to think i may have adult onset ADD, too, not even kidding.
i can't do one thing at a time...see, i was just talking about being consistent about things, and then i went off on a tangent about my self-diagnosed psychiatric disorders. back to where i was: when it comes to things that are "optional", however, i guess life just gets in the way...ironic because this blog has been about my life. well, either that or bitching about kim kardashian.
anyway, there's no way i can sum up what's happened in the last year and a half in one entry, unless it was fifty pages long, and even that would be somewhat of a summary. one thing i keep coming back to is: why don't i ever learn? i'm not a stupid person. i'm pretty cynical, but i want to believe in hope and the good in people so badly that i let those rose-colored glasses completely distort my vision.
part of the reason i'm writing again is because it's therapeutic and i'm hoping that i'll learn why i obviously need to be hit on the head with a fucking baseball bat in order to stop doing the same stupid things time after time.
elton john - 1974
"I entertain by picking brains,
Sell my soul by dropping names.
I don't like those, my god, what's that?
Oh, it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back."
Sell my soul by dropping names.
I don't like those, my god, what's that?
Oh, it's full of nasty habits when the bitch gets back."
the song title thing is one of the things I like about your blogs. you always tie it all together. don't beat yourself up April. even though we've never met, I can tell that you are an amazing, beautiful, warm hearted woman, just through all of our conversations. I've always been able to read people well. it is their loss and stupidity that they wont do everything in their power to keep you close the the heart.
ReplyDeletethanks for the kind words, pete. :-) i realized about a month about that most people don't really know me at all. i think a lot of people think i *am* a bitch, but i have walls up most of the time, not intentionally, but for self protection. people who know me, the real me, know that i'm passionate, that i'll do anything for the people in my life, make any sacrifice i can, and try to be thoughtful and kind, although when my life is crazed and i'm in survival mode, i'm sometimes absent, but i'm still always there if needed. all you have to do is ask... <3
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